Are you a New Reader? Because if you are you might be a little confused by Jayden and Crusader.

I suggest you start at the beginning of the comic and work forward.

Even with the primitive art at the beginning it’s the most entertaining way to find out the story, complete with all the great jokes and dialogue quirks. It’s the best way to to get up to date with J&C. But at almost 200 pages long I can understand if you want to just dive right in with the current storyline.

On this page you can read a summary of the entire comic book up until the current storyline. It takes about 6 minutes.

This contains Massive Spoilers! Don’t read it if you don’t want to, it’s not compulsory knowledge and if you’re going to read the archives this will ruin several surprises for you.

The Story of the Comic So Far

There’s a guy called Crusader. It’s a silly name but we roll with it. He draws a comic, he’s a character in the comic and the comic is what you’re reading. This is important but don’t think about it too hard or your head will explode. Crusader lives in a town called Cokevale with a girl called Jayden, she doesn’t like him much. Crusader gets bored of drawing Jayden and creates the Third Character but Third wasn’t made very well so doesn’t have any emotions or back story he just exists. He doesn’t have a sense of humour either and never laughs even when Crusader gets stabbed in the chest which is frankly hilarious. From then on Third lives in cupboard. Crusader is not a very good artist. This is also important. Crusader tries to make his comic very popular but it doesn’t work. He builds a robotic computer as a sexy lady which knocks him out and runs away but he recaptures it and locks it up in his room. Jayden discovers a strange man in a fancy suit living in one of the cupboards. He is Sir Reginald Derby the Third but no-one knows this and they call him Smic, the Strange Man in Cupboard.

A box arrives for Crusader one day and when he opens it he releases the Dark Lord  Ozimaar the Glorious. Ozimaar the Glorious isn’t very strong though so Crusader closes the box and puts it with his collection of bad poetry and worse jokes. Jayden accidently eats Ozimaar thinking he is lime jelly because lime jelly is delicious and more people should eat lime jelly. Crusader smiles evilly because he thinks Ozimaar is defeated. He’s wrong. Ozimaar possesses Jayden and her eyes turn green. She goes to an air field and kidnaps Third and Computer. Crusader looks for Third and Computer but can only find Smic who accidently created an acid monster. Ozimaar tricks Crusader into coming to the airfield and reveals himself as possessing Jayden. Crusader tries to draw Ozimaar out of existence using his powers as an artist but reaches for a block of cheese instead of a pen. He’s really not a very good artist. Ozimaar throws Crusader into a cage with Third and Computer and gives an evil villain speech. He calls computer a slut and then flies off in a jet plane. Computer gets angry and blows up the cage. Crusader didn’t know she could do that. Computer flies away seaking vengeance and Crusader and Third team up to find a new artist for the comic so they can destroy Ozimaar and the two run to Deviant Art. Nobody wants to help, not without asking for money. Ozimaar starts to invade and the deviant artists attack. Crusader realises that if they attack Ozimaar Jayden will be hurt and tries to stop the battle. The crowd attacks him instead. Crusader dies. Reality falls apart. Another artist finds the script, draws it and saves the day. Jayden is free and Crusader tries to hug her, she knocks him out with one punch. She and Third walk home.

Meanwhile Smic fights an acid monster with his bare hands. He impresses Hannah, a girl who was walking past, and the two fall in love. He promises to show her the future on his steam powered time-machine hover-cycle. She decides to watch a movie with him instead.

Christmas arrives. Third hates Christmas. Moving on.

An evil villain called the Ginger is revealed to have sent Ozimaar. He decides to send the Kat to assassinate him instead. Kat is insane. Kat befriends Crusader. Time passes. Kat can’t summon the effort to kill her new friend and the voices in her head go into overdrive. Crusader takes her to the psych wing of the hospital, Kat gets better.

Crusader needs to get a new computer. He wants to get a mac and is willing to spend thousands of dollars for a top of the line model. He’s told macs don’t play video games. He runs out of the store and starts vigorously humping a PC World sign. He returns with a new computer, Computer-2, much to Jayden’s rage. Kat is sickened by the way they treat the new computer and forces them to go to church. At the Church Third proves to the priest god doesn’t exist and the priest dies of shock. Smic brings him back to life with a tesla-cannon.

The cast celebrate their first year.

Jayden’s parents arrive, Jayden was making them cake when her cream went missing. Jayden blames Kat but it was Smic making a cannon that fires using cream. Jayden’s mother hates Crusader, Jayden’s father looks like Third. Jayden’s father thinks that Jayden has a thing for Crusader. Third is attacked by Smic’s man eating anteaters. Third doesn’t pay rent and Jayden gets angry.

It’s Pirate O’Clock.

Third has rage issues and attacks Cinema Guy. Kat tells him to go to her therapist Doctor Cartwright. Doctor Cartwright tells him he’s a one dimensional character and tells him to make a list of goals and go out with her secretary. Not all therapy is talking about feelings. Smic invents an infinite pizza machine with Hannah’s help. Jayden and Crusader go to a coffee shop. Crusader drinks tea because he is British. Jayden reveals she studies architecture and Crusader says he always wanted to be a doctor but was scared of juggling organs so became an English student. Crusader is strange. Crusader leaves and bumps into Kat. Kat’s changed her medication and the voices are back, just a tad. Kat and Crusader go to the cinema, Kat says it’s the only cinema left in the world showing Batman The Dark Knight. They arrive to find it stopped showing yesterday. Kat smashes and they get a free ticket to another movie. During the movie Kat and Crusader kiss on the 100^th page and Kat confesses her attraction to Crusader.

Christmas arrives, Third pretends to like it and scares everyone. Third stops pretending and gets drunk until January the sixth. Crusader shows off his passport and reveals to Jayden his real name. It’s Crusader Hussein Crusader. Jayden gets scared about Hussein and Crusader assures her he’s named after his uncle Saddam. No not that Saddam. His father. Jayden tells Third who assures her that Saddam Hussein’s father was in fact called Hussein Abid Al-majid and calls Jayden islamiphobic. Jayden gets depressed and tries to drown herself in her cheerios when Crusader comes to apologise for playing on her fears. Crusader changed his name so he could screw with gullible Americans.

Despite forgetting Valentine’s Day Crusader and Kat fall deeper in love. Jayden is crushingly lonely. Third continues to get therapy but find Dr. Cartwright has changed her look to annoy her patients. The group perform in a Rock Opera set in Space. The less said about this the better. The comic celebrates two years and Jayden fantasises about Zoidberg before being hit on by a gross nerd at the coffee shop.

Third experiences his first emotion, happiness, while with his girlfriend Lorraine. He thinks he maybe losing his ability to act logically and he decides to break off his relationship with Lorraine. He does this in the worst possible way wand Lorraine stabs him with a kitchen knife. He explains this to Doctor Cartwright then faints on her carpet.

Kat and Crusader have their first fight; it’s about Kirk vs. Picard. Smic has a giant walking tank that fires pies. We don’t know why. Crusader arrives home one day covered in scorch marks. Doctor Von Doom, Master of the English department, attacks him for skipping lectures.

Computer beats up a civil servant in Washington looking for Jayden. Computer arrives in Cokevale and forces the coffee shop girl to tell her where Jayden is then teams up with Doctor Von Doom so she can destroy Jayden once and for all with a scary blue gun. Christmas happens. Third still hates it. Third feels his second emotion, he misses Lorraine. Crusader and he try to talk about it but Computer bursts into the house and gives Jayden the kiss of death. Crusader tries to talk Computer down but Computer opens fire. Crusader pushes Jayden out of the way in the nick of time. The blast eats through the wall erasing it from existence. Computer reveals she’s going to erase with the gun so Jayden never existed. Kat arrives to save them in the nick of time. Kat fight. Kat kicks Computer’s ass, then gets hit by an arm beam and collapses. Smic arrives to save the day in a walking giant steam-tank. Computer and he fight and they both explode. Crusader runs to help Kat but she tells them to take her car and escape as Computer is still alive. Computer was damaged in the fight and is beginning to overheat. She has just 40 minutes left. Crusader, Jayden and Third flee to the airport and Computer chases them. Kat tries to stop Computer but gets her leg smashed for her trouble. At the airport Jayden and Crusader run for a plane and Third pulls a shotgun out of the car boot. When computer arrives he shoots half her face off but Computer just shoots him straight through the chest with arm beams and kills him.

Computer threatens to kill a civilian every minute until Jayden surrenders herself. Crusader tries to get Jayden onto a plane but Jayden refuses and gives herself up. She’s not worth dying for. The death of Third, Smic and impending death of Jayden causes Crusader to break down crying and reality starts to melt. Crusader blames his inability to draw. Computer takes aim at Jayden. Crusader looks at the old pages and realises how far he has come in three years and how good an artist he is now. Crusader picks up his pen and starts to draw. Computer’s hands disappear. Crusader reveals himself as an artist God, alpha and omega. He gives life back to Third and banishes Computer to an asteroid and saves the day. Crusader hugs Jayden and Third and the three go home.

Elsewhere Smic wakes up, retrieves his hat from the wreckage of his steam tank and he and Hannah walk off into the sunset to find a brandy.

And Jayden and Crusader continues…