Over the last three years Jayden and Crusader has become part of how I define my life. I am the guy who draws Jayden and Crusader. My screen name on instant messenger services is invariably “The Writer” so important is it to my self-worth that I write things, be they comics, novels or comedic sketches.

That is why the current lack of Jayden and Crusader is just as annoying to ME as it is to you.*

And not just the last few weeks the entire year, pretty much from this point last year, has been one of the worst in Jayden and Crusader’s history. Not the storyline, I love that and consider it some of my best work, but I have barely written and drawn twenty comics. That’s abysmal. That’s less than one a fortnight. I am sorry.

The truth is, I don’t know why, I simply do not have the energy to make the comic. I have the story outlined, I have the next few written I have the next one sketched out but I can’t seem to summon the energy to pick up my stylus and work on it. This has happened before and in fact often happens in August, so much so I commented on it last year. It was much easier to ignore in the past when it wasn’t as important to me. When I didn’t draw any comics in October 2007 I didn’t beat myself up about it. It didn’t matter to me, it didn’t define who I was as a person. Even last November I assumed it was just a stumbling block. But this has been going on so long now I can’t keep fooling myself.

Something is wrong in Jayden and Crusader land and I don’t know what it is.

Some people define writers block as an inability to write, that’s not entirely true. I call that ‘Writer’s stuck’ when the thoughts are inside but can’t seem to get out. You get the same with artists. True writer’s block is an emptiness. It’s a hole where there should be drive and energy and thought and a myriad of creative colour. Write now I am suffering from true writers block.

There’s just nothing up here straining to escape to the page. I don’t understand how, or why, the storyline is there, the jokes are there, the important character pieces and awesome one liners are there but some how there is an emptiness of drive.

Jayden and Crusader is not going on hiatus. Jayden and Crusader has never gone on true hiatus and I never want it to. One day perhaps it will end when there are no more stories for Jayden and Crusader to tell. That isn’t now. Right now I am just…. lost. Stuck. Empty.

It’s as if a divine force reached into my head and plucked the energy out of me. I cannot explain it.

I don’t have any answers, I don’t know when you’ll see a new J&C page. Maybe it’ll be next Monday, maybe it’ll be years from now. (I doubt the latter). Right now I don’t have the drive to do anything, I struggle even to sketch. I am not writing, I am not doing anything of any creative output.

As ‘The Writer’ this pisses me off.

I’m sorry.

I don’t want this to sound like I am trying to explain why it’s ending, I want it to explain my absence. I care, I care so much but right now I just… I just can’t do it.

(* possibly more)

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